Through the Rain

Photo Source

You know that this person is worth your time when you guys get through the storm of difficulties and there still an overwhelming desire to still be with this person. Seeing so much of someone's great sides and then bad sides is not always an easy task nor is accepting all of it an easy one as well.

There are things that drive us crazy, and things that make us hurt and really wonder if it's worth it, sticking through everything. If it's the right one ... everything will be worth your while.

Sometimes the fundamental difference between things working out and not working out is about choice ... you decide what is worthy.

Happiness and love are just a choice away.
-- Leo F. Buscaglia

The Key to a Healthy Argument

Photo Source

Some say that when a relationship is all too dandy, there's something wrong. After a certain length in a relationship, there's gotta be one instance, or a couple instances in which the couple ticks each other off and then pride kicks in.

Although I'm not the biggest fan of arguments for it makes me sad, angry, and all those negative emotions, I do believe that an argument can contribute to a healthy relationship - you grow as a couple and you grow more appreciative of the person for sticking through when you're not in the prettiest persona.

Now this is not to say that you must now instigate one, but instead, think about how you may react if one were to ever occur, what kind of outcome would you like to see happen, and naturally, the way you handle the situation will often go the way you envisioned it.

Here are some things to keep in mind if/when an argument must occur:

1. DO NOT ever name call - it's immature and hurtful
2. DO NOT swear AT them, swearing should only be used to describe things if necessary
3. If you feel like physically hurting them like (punching, kicking) or throwing objects at them, the first thing you need to do is, WALK AWAY AND CALM DOWN. Take a breather and think about things for a bit.
4. DO NOT make absolute statements like you ALWAYS..., or you NEVER... It is often in an accusatory tone and will make the person very defensive
5. Try not to raise your voice as both parties are constantly gonna try to talk over each other and then ... lots of yelling happens.
   
6. A heated discussion may occur if there is a disagreement, but you can always talk about it in a respectful manner to reach a compromise.
7. Confirmations that you love, care for, or respect the person usually eases up his or her nerves.

Photo Source

Have you ever found yourself in a predicament where you wish you handled it differently? Do you have any other suggestions that can reach a happy ending?

Mr./Ms. Perfect

Photo Source

Photo Source

Whether we realize it or not, in the midst of our search of "the one" we subtly find ourselves developing our list of criteria of what we want in the other - tall, short, dark, pale, thin, toned, ambitious, religious, not religious, etc. and the list really never ends.

That person must have to be the complete package - your checklist complete.

I beg to differ. The greatest thing about relationships is that no one is ever going to be that "perfect" person because you have the rest of your lives trying to build each other up, trying to be the best person you can be with your S.O. Your "perfections" and imperfections should complement each other well enough to attain a realization that this person is the best counterpart for you.

The search may take a bit longer than usual but for starters, how about throwing away that perfect list you have in your back pocket?

Photo Source

You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.

--Sean in Good Will Hunting (1997)

Beautiful?

Photo Source

I remember listening to a radio show a while back when they were talking about Kate Beckinsale. Now if you don't know what Kate Beckinsale looks like, you're missing out. She has a very cute, yet beautiful look to her and leaves me in a state of mixed jealousy and admiration.

Now the radio hosts were talking about how Kate described her relationship with her husband - she always dressed up beautifully for her husband and will always be wearing make-up for her husband because she insists that her love translates in her efforts to always look beautiful for her husband.

I kinda like the idea because it has good intentions but at the same time I don't find it realistic at all. I think that no matter what you look like, you should always appear beautiful in his eyes - whether you're made up or not, whether you're wearing sweats or you're wearing gowns.

Photo Source

Now this is not to say that you should never maintain yourself because you're always going to look beautiful, but I just think that natural beauty shouldn't always be consumed by materialistic products. Visual enhancements tease the eye a little more and he should develop a deeper appreciation of your beauty each and everytime you make yourself up.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever:
Its loveliness increases;
It will never pass into nothingness

--John Keats

Agree/disagree? Comment! :)

Pros and Cons of Cohabitation

Photo Source

I am a firm believer that cohabitation should only occur after an engagement and likewise, within a reasonable engagement period. Though sleepovers and "weekend cottages" may occur, it's not the same idea.

I read an article on CNN and I thought it was appropriately written. See for yourself here.

There are many instances when cohabitation does work out because the couple is intending to get married anyhow but many couples move-in together to test out the waters to see if they're "compatible" for marriage.

PROS
- after a year, you get placed under the corporate benefit plan of your S.O.
- cheaper rent
- less travel expenses
- less expenses in general
- you get to see him/her everyday

CONS
- you get sick of each other
- what if this person isn't the person that you want to be with? joint stuff gets messy
- living the married too young isn't always the way to go
- no more personal space

Do you agree/disagree?

Is He/She Passionate?

Is your significant other or prospective one not only passionate about the connection you two have between each other, but passionate about life as well? And everything that goes along with it?

This quality is probably one of the prerequisites I need in a person to be able to connect with them deeply. I don't know about you but I love it when guys can sing or play music in general.

Exhibit A: This absolutely melts my heart.

Exhibit B: Melting my heart time and time again.

And then there are other guys who are passionate about sports and are dam good at it.

Photo Source

What about other intangible qualities like being passionate to save the world from its misery or something?

This may be inductive reasoning, and correct me if I'm wrong, but if he/she is not passionate about anything else, it will be very hard for he/she to be passionate about your relationship with him/her.

Interracial Relationships

Growing up in Toronto is probably one of the best things that could happen in your life (and London is slowly becoming like Toronto). I say this because there's so much going on and so much to see and best of all, it's the most diverse city in the world.

That being said, interracial relationships are becoming more common and more prevalent and you'd think that familes that immigrate here would begin to understand cultural mixing and not expect you to date those of the same "colour". However, sometimes that is not the case and parental influence is a huge part in making a relationship work.

Yes, while there are social preferences of how to get your S.O. integrated into your family, mainly standards set by your parents, I think there can be a compromise to change your parents' hearts if they are so against interracial relationships. (Sometimes I really hate the concept of "race" because while it may be an identity, it also socially and culturally divides us. :( but that's besides the point).

I do understand where the parents are coming from because sometimes they want to relate to their future in-laws more easily but it's such an aggravating experience trying to convince them. I have some suggestions on how to get on the parents' good sides, let me know if you think they may work!

• learn the basics of the language they speak
• learn to love the food they eat
• buy them culturally relevant gifts on occasion
• at the risk of rejection, relate on their level with their other interests
• convince them that you'll have drop dead gorgeous kids (haha)
  
• more???

Have you ever found yourself in an interracial relationship vs. your parents' preferences? Were your parents open to the idea or were they not? How did you cope?

This is yet another hilarious video by Wong Fu Productions on interracial couples - a different perspective but enjoy nonetheless!

Long Distance Relationship Survival

Photo Source

There umteen amounts of articles and how-tos to make a long distance relationship work. There are step-by-steps and all-too-many suggestions on what to do to instil longevity in relationships.

Here are four suggestions that I found worked in my experience:

1. Choice: You make the choice to be with one another despite distance.
2. Communication: Phone calls, emails, messages, surprise visits really fill in the gaps in a relationship that distance now fills.
3. Free Time / Holidays: Take time out of your schedule and take time to regularly visit one another during weekends and holidays to catch up.
4. End Date: Decide when this long distance relationship is gonna end and when you guys will move to the same city, move-in, etc.

Message me or comment if you guys have any additional suggestions! :)

Photo Source

Absence is to love as wind is to fire;
It extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

Making It Official

Photo Source

What constitutes as an "official" relationship, ladies and gents? I hear a lot of, "We're dating/seeing each other, but we're not official yet."

I used to think it was based solely on the condition that there would the "question" popped, similar to a proposal ... and maybe it still is, you tell me.

No longer are we in the era of traditional dating where the person you DO start dating would be your potential partner. No, we've suddenly moved on to this concept of "dealing" or "checking" with all the complications of ambiguity without THE question.

You would think that given the positive circumstances for example like, talking on the phone for hours, going on numerous dates on a regular basis you would kind of get the drift ... but I suppose there's a lack of trust...

HOWEVER, in my humble opinion, I feel that yes, while there may/could be the question popped ... I think it is OR should be rather, based on a mutual trust that the two parties are mutually on the same page of mutual exclusivity.

What do you guys think?

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone, but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

Walter Anderson

The Undomestic Goddess

Yes, the title is in reference to Sophie Kinsella's The Undomestic Goddess. (Good book, recommended read!)

But that's besides the point.

What I'm trying to get at is, after going to university I've realized how ... undomesticated many women are, namely me. My mom used to scold me about how if I didn't step my game up in cooking and cleaning, I'd never marry ...

And now is the time when I realize that mommas really know best.

Here are some of the observations I've made to come to the conclusion that ... women are growing more and more undomesticated (there are exceptions, of course, as with everything else).

• The guys on my floor in first-year residence had cleaner rooms than the so-called ladies on our floor, mine included.
• The guys I know how to cook tastier meals
• They also cook more
• They're more efficient at I guess... all the domestic things that we, women should be efficient at.

Photo Source

Are women at a loss? Would you still date them and take care of them if they weren't as domesticated as what the traditional household demands?

Why do you think for some the tables have turned?

High Expectations (cont.)

Stuart suggested I do a FIVE reasons why we girls and guys should be satisfied with our partner, even if they aren't as 'romantical' (hehe) as Edward Cullen from Twilight.

1. Movies and novels are fictional for a reason. Enough said.
2. You wouldn't want people to take pointers from movies anyways. (re: Prince Charming?)
3. There are so many things that go on in our daily lives that some people don't have time to concoct love potions or draft a crazy plan to make you fall in love with them each and everyday.
4. Everyone loves and cares for someone in their own way. If everyone did or said the same things a fictional vampire would do, it would be too predictable and there would be no spunk in a relationship.
5. When you check out the Five Love Languages, you will look at your relationship differently and finally, be satisfied.
   

High Expectations

There may be exceptions to this, but this entry pertains to those of considerably legitimate relationships.

I am guilty of complaining because maybe sometimes I am a hopeless romantic. Every girl has her envisioned fairy tale and when some things don't go her way, well, dissatisfaction occurs and then complaining commences.

Do you ever wish that he/she would whisper sweet nothings in your ear more often? Do you ever wish he would do this or do that just because you like it? Do you have a certain standard that he/she has to live up to but somehow it doesn't ever seem to happen?

Well, I don't know how else to say it but ... here it is below... hope that gets you thinking.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they know how.

-Icon

Photo Source

A Family Affair

A saying something along the lines of quotes this: 'If you marry a person, you marry the family as well."

Would you agree?

Anyway, I polled my readers this past week on how long they usually wait until they would introduce their significant other to their parents.

10% voted when they start dating
50% voted within a few months
30% voted within half a year
10% voted never.

While there isn't one appropriate time to introduce your special one to the family, you should have the intention to do so eventually.

I know there's all this talk about how "love is enough"... to an extent, yes. But somehow, if they're not involved with your family in any way (and vice versa), a chance at longevity is slim to none.

Photo Source

Monthiversaries

Some people might REALLY hate me for saying this, but REALLY? MONTHIVERSARIES?

I partially agree that getting through a relationship month by month is worth making note of, and for some, something to be proud of. However, there are some that completely, I think, completely out of their minds. Extravagant celebrations take place each and every month (I would give examples but that would be too mean) ... just to celebrate this "love" that has so quickly blossomed.

Some people just put me in a state of jaw-dropping awe ... I've seriously seen some couples go to the extent of celebrating their "Happy 1 week!" or "Happy 14 days! I LOVE YOU SOSOSO MUCH!"

Please spare me. I know probably what you guys do in your relationships is completely none of my business, but when the celebrations go to the cyberworld where everyone else is suddenly part of this joyous time ... well, I am entitled to have an opinion.

By my standards, celebrating a "half-year", "year" and more ... that's reasonable, but "month" "week" "day" ... really?!?!?!?

BUT ... I suppose that's young love for you. Cudos to those who would have so many monthiversaries to the point you can longer count anymore..

Photo Source

Love/Hate Relationships

When the honeymoon phase is over (first few months give or take), you begin to discover all the little flaws the other one has, the little quirks that completely bug you.

So how do you cope?

You begin to realize that, those little quirks are the things that make he/she who he/she is! Without them they would be an entirely different person ... you fell in love with that particular person, the one who has all the best and worst qualities.

Photo Source

Maybe, just maybe, you'll even grow to love the little things that you used to hate. The way she is so meticulous and particular with everything? Or the way he has an opinion about everything?

Good luck lovin'!

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

- 10 Things I Hate About You

Break-Up Remedies

Photo Source

Usually when you're the dumper, your remedy well, you just move on or suddenly have a new priority in your life whether it be school, work, new flame, etc.

The hardest part for the dumpee, however, is to fill that void, the dumper, used to fill.

I was quite inspired by this once former Xanga blogger when she wrote one specific post about how to get over a guy. I will make references to what she said because I totally agree, however, she's no longer blogging. If you so wish for me to reveal her site that used to exist, I'd be happy to direct you there, just message me and ask for it. For privacy issues, I will not reveal her name either. From #3 onwards are my own suggestions from my experience...

1. Although it will take some time for you to get over this one person, easier said than done, dedicate one day to reminisce about this special person ... cry about it, go over pictures, notes, have some ice cream for God's sake, etc.
2. Then you really have to make a 180 degree turnaround and stop moping about it.
3. Go out with your friends!
4. Find a hobby that will fill that time your special person once filled.
5. If you really must feel like talking about it, write letters to this person but DO NOT SEND THEM
6. JOURNAL or BLOG! Writing things out is definitely therapeutic so you don't have cooped up words or feelings.

Let me know if you have other Break-Up Remedies :)

Photo source

Best (Fe)Male Friend

In preschool, I remember having male and female friends.

In elementary school, members of the opposite sex suddenly had cooties.

In middle school, hormones kicked in and suddenly girls were trying to get the attention from the guys and vice versa.

In high school, some of us grew up a bit more and maybe, possibly disguised some immense admiration for one another by deeming each other "best friends." I remember having "best" guy friends in high school and some of them remain "best" or good friends to this day.

But what does being a best friend entail? Best friends usually involve being completely honest with each other, with the deepest darkest secrets divulged, sometimes even spending most of the time together... some best friends were referred to being conjoined at the hip, completely inseparable.

I told someone in tenth grade that I had a best friend that was a guy and he told me I couldn't really be best friends with a guy if I didn't like him, whatever that meant. I was completely convinced that I didn't like him, and I still am. He told me that maybe now you can be best friends with a member of the opposite sex but later on, it can definitely not work out if you're married to someone else.

I didn't understand then, I do now.

The person you develop an intimate relationship with, the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with,

should be your best friend.

Photo Credit: Static Romance

"I'm lucky to be in love with my best friend."
Jason Mraz