Taking Chances (Part 2)

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Alex made a comment referring to "the OC" ;)

So, as I was saying in Part 1, there is the rare case that a friendship-turned-relationship that could work out, however let's see SCENARIO B...

Boy and Girl are very good friends. They get along great, they hang out with the same group of friends, and hell, sometimes they're so comfortable around each other that they end up doing things one on one - like studying, shopping, etc. Boy begins to enjoy Girl's company so much that he begins to have thoughts of "what if" they went out. Girl is always on Boy's mind and Girl seems to be really nice. Girl's nice to everyone, she's fun, she's hyper, she can get along great with everyone. Boy thinks that there may be a possibility that Girl may feel the same way about Boy. Boy thinks of all the possibilities of the turn out of a possible confession - Girl feels the same way, or Girl doesn't ... and then their friendship will turn awkward. However, Boy decides to take a chance, because he really wanted to get it off his chest otherwise he'd still be wondering if she could feel the same way.

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The confession of Boy finally happened with the Girl. Unfortunately, Girl did not feel the same way and continually stressed that she treats everyone the same way - with the same amount of niceness and attention. Their friendship became awkward and Girl really wondered why Boy would do such a thing to change their friendship. Boy said he really wanted to get it off his chest and let it out into the open. Girl wants to continue being friends but does not know how to without feeling like Boy is expecting something in return; she feels as if he is doing everything to try to get her to like him back. Girl decides to pretend as if nothing happened, but Boy seems to be getting more needy ...

Needless to say, Girl decides that closure is needed despite her love for their friendship. She feels that maybe as time passes,

"out of sight, out of mind"

would do the trick.

Okay, what do you guys think? Do you think "getting it off your chest" is a good idea?

I personally think that things should happen naturally, things come and go. If Girl liked Boy back, it would show without Boy needing to confess expecting something in return.

So no, I don't think some chances should be taken.

Agree/disagree? Have you ever found yourself in this situation? What happened and how did you handle it?

Taking Chances (Part 1)

Disclaimer: This post is as per a conversation I had with a couple girlfriends recently.

While I am a firm believer in taking chances whenever you can in life so as to carpe diem, maybe there should be some exceptions.

Have you ever had a very good friend that you only regard as a good friend, have only considered them as a good friend, and would almost repulse you to think of them any more than a good friend? (Maybe repulse is too strong of a word, but let's just keep it there to get a point across).

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Now, I did post before that it is difficult to maintain a friendship with a (fe)male friend when relationships start to make way into your life, but what I am trying to get at is another very good reason why some friendships can't work out.

As written from a female's perspective, I suppose some women can be cockteases, if not a majority of them. Some do it intentionally, and some are too naive to realize what they're doing. Some guys could appear to be a player, with the very same reasons as mentioned.

However, let's say this friendship takes a chance ... here's a scenario to illustrate my point.

SCENARIO A:
Boy and Girl are very good friends. They get along great, they hang out with the same group of friends, and hell, sometimes they're so comfortable around each other that they end up doing things one on one - like studying, shopping, etc. Girl begins to enjoy Boy's company so much that she begins to have thoughts of "what if" they went out. Girl begins to think of Boy so much that she realizes that she has developed more-than-friendship feelings about Boy... BUT she doesn't want to "ruin the friendship" so she stays quiet. HOWEVER, one day while Girl and Boy were studying together, Girl decided to bring up the possibility of "what if" she had feelings for Boy. Luckily enough, Boy had also developed feelings for Girl and the both of them discussed their options of whether or not to continue the friendship or move onto a relationship.

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Now this would be an ideal situation and mind you, it COULD happen, but that isn't always the case.

Which brings us to...
My next post, later this week. :)

STAY TUNED for THE dreaded scenario as given by testimony!

Making It Official

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What constitutes as an "official" relationship, ladies and gents? I hear a lot of, "We're dating/seeing each other, but we're not official yet."

I used to think it was based solely on the condition that there would the "question" popped, similar to a proposal ... and maybe it still is, you tell me.

No longer are we in the era of traditional dating where the person you DO start dating would be your potential partner. No, we've suddenly moved on to this concept of "dealing" or "checking" with all the complications of ambiguity without THE question.

You would think that given the positive circumstances for example like, talking on the phone for hours, going on numerous dates on a regular basis you would kind of get the drift ... but I suppose there's a lack of trust...

HOWEVER, in my humble opinion, I feel that yes, while there may/could be the question popped ... I think it is OR should be rather, based on a mutual trust that the two parties are mutually on the same page of mutual exclusivity.

What do you guys think?

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone, but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

Walter Anderson

Already Complete

I share this quote with someone each and every time they feel inadequate or even feel alone because the truth is, nobody should ever feel like that.

I have it saved on my PC to look at if I ever have one of those downer days. Hope this brings as much comfort to you as it does for me!

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the very best. Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming. Just because no one has made this race worthwhile, doesn't give you permission to stop running. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to stink to theirs. Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair. Just because God is still preparing your king/queen, doesn't mean that you're not already a queen/king. Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing. Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, keep praying, keep being exactly what you are already ... complete.

T.D. Jakes

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The Undomestic Goddess

Yes, the title is in reference to Sophie Kinsella's The Undomestic Goddess. (Good book, recommended read!)

But that's besides the point.

What I'm trying to get at is, after going to university I've realized how ... undomesticated many women are, namely me. My mom used to scold me about how if I didn't step my game up in cooking and cleaning, I'd never marry ...

And now is the time when I realize that mommas really know best.

Here are some of the observations I've made to come to the conclusion that ... women are growing more and more undomesticated (there are exceptions, of course, as with everything else).

• The guys on my floor in first-year residence had cleaner rooms than the so-called ladies on our floor, mine included.
• The guys I know how to cook tastier meals
• They also cook more
• They're more efficient at I guess... all the domestic things that we, women should be efficient at.

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Are women at a loss? Would you still date them and take care of them if they weren't as domesticated as what the traditional household demands?

Why do you think for some the tables have turned?

High Expectations (cont.)

Stuart suggested I do a FIVE reasons why we girls and guys should be satisfied with our partner, even if they aren't as 'romantical' (hehe) as Edward Cullen from Twilight.

1. Movies and novels are fictional for a reason. Enough said.
2. You wouldn't want people to take pointers from movies anyways. (re: Prince Charming?)
3. There are so many things that go on in our daily lives that some people don't have time to concoct love potions or draft a crazy plan to make you fall in love with them each and everyday.
4. Everyone loves and cares for someone in their own way. If everyone did or said the same things a fictional vampire would do, it would be too predictable and there would be no spunk in a relationship.
5. When you check out the Five Love Languages, you will look at your relationship differently and finally, be satisfied.
   

High Expectations

There may be exceptions to this, but this entry pertains to those of considerably legitimate relationships.

I am guilty of complaining because maybe sometimes I am a hopeless romantic. Every girl has her envisioned fairy tale and when some things don't go her way, well, dissatisfaction occurs and then complaining commences.

Do you ever wish that he/she would whisper sweet nothings in your ear more often? Do you ever wish he would do this or do that just because you like it? Do you have a certain standard that he/she has to live up to but somehow it doesn't ever seem to happen?

Well, I don't know how else to say it but ... here it is below... hope that gets you thinking.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they know how.

-Icon

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"Outfoxed" for MIT2412

Disclaimer: This is for my course and is in no way affiliated with any of the topics of my blog... Be back for regular posts soon!

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"Outfoxed" was definitely a great eye-opening documentary for critiquing the media that we are exposed to, especially when a huge media conglomerate was placed under the spotlight. Fox News, more often referred to as "Faux News" when criticized for their media practices, was analyzed microscopically to discuss its tendency towards propaganda.

Fox News plays a large role in informing their audience of political leaders/candidates especially during election time. However the biggest criticism of Fox News is that it portrays news and information that makes them look like the "mouthpiece of the Republican Party" (Charlie Reina, ex-Fox News employee). Despite journalists having their own personal opinions, as employees of a news media giant, information must be portrayed in an un-biased fashion so as to not create a form of propaganda.

In addition to political news, other news that are covered by Fox News is also criticized for having their facts manipulated to create a kind of feeling, like fear, for example, so that their viewers keep going back to Fox News for more. It is almost cult-like, in my opinion. Take, for example, when the events of 9/11 took place... The same footage was replayed over and over again to instill a kind of fear in their viewers so that they kept tuning into the hegemonic Fox News Channel for more supposed information on world events.

It was sensationalism in journalism where the views of the channel were automatically displayed for the world to see, for the world to listen to, for the world to slowly be conditioned to the views of Fox News, whatever they believed in (or more specifically, what they wanted their audience to believe).

The producers of this documentary did a good job in providing an alternative view for which we, the audience, can now tune into the news in a different way; we are more aware of specific agendas and can readily critique information displayed for us.

A Family Affair

A saying something along the lines of quotes this: 'If you marry a person, you marry the family as well."

Would you agree?

Anyway, I polled my readers this past week on how long they usually wait until they would introduce their significant other to their parents.

10% voted when they start dating
50% voted within a few months
30% voted within half a year
10% voted never.

While there isn't one appropriate time to introduce your special one to the family, you should have the intention to do so eventually.

I know there's all this talk about how "love is enough"... to an extent, yes. But somehow, if they're not involved with your family in any way (and vice versa), a chance at longevity is slim to none.

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Monthiversaries

Some people might REALLY hate me for saying this, but REALLY? MONTHIVERSARIES?

I partially agree that getting through a relationship month by month is worth making note of, and for some, something to be proud of. However, there are some that completely, I think, completely out of their minds. Extravagant celebrations take place each and every month (I would give examples but that would be too mean) ... just to celebrate this "love" that has so quickly blossomed.

Some people just put me in a state of jaw-dropping awe ... I've seriously seen some couples go to the extent of celebrating their "Happy 1 week!" or "Happy 14 days! I LOVE YOU SOSOSO MUCH!"

Please spare me. I know probably what you guys do in your relationships is completely none of my business, but when the celebrations go to the cyberworld where everyone else is suddenly part of this joyous time ... well, I am entitled to have an opinion.

By my standards, celebrating a "half-year", "year" and more ... that's reasonable, but "month" "week" "day" ... really?!?!?!?

BUT ... I suppose that's young love for you. Cudos to those who would have so many monthiversaries to the point you can longer count anymore..

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BOOTY CALL!

Various definitions of the colloquial term can be found at Urban Dictionary.

I'm not saying ALL late night calls can automatically be categorized into a not-so-lovely idea of "dating", but for the most part, if you find a man/woman calls you late at night in such a pattern just to "hang out" or "just to see you" ... sirens should be going off

LOUD.

Don't make excuses for his/her behaviour because they're always "busy"... if he/she wanted to see you, they'll make time for you...

at a proper, respectable time.

Just a thought. Some people have to learn the hard way.

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Love/Hate Relationships

When the honeymoon phase is over (first few months give or take), you begin to discover all the little flaws the other one has, the little quirks that completely bug you.

So how do you cope?

You begin to realize that, those little quirks are the things that make he/she who he/she is! Without them they would be an entirely different person ... you fell in love with that particular person, the one who has all the best and worst qualities.

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Maybe, just maybe, you'll even grow to love the little things that you used to hate. The way she is so meticulous and particular with everything? Or the way he has an opinion about everything?

Good luck lovin'!

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

- 10 Things I Hate About You

Break-Up Remedies

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Usually when you're the dumper, your remedy well, you just move on or suddenly have a new priority in your life whether it be school, work, new flame, etc.

The hardest part for the dumpee, however, is to fill that void, the dumper, used to fill.

I was quite inspired by this once former Xanga blogger when she wrote one specific post about how to get over a guy. I will make references to what she said because I totally agree, however, she's no longer blogging. If you so wish for me to reveal her site that used to exist, I'd be happy to direct you there, just message me and ask for it. For privacy issues, I will not reveal her name either. From #3 onwards are my own suggestions from my experience...

1. Although it will take some time for you to get over this one person, easier said than done, dedicate one day to reminisce about this special person ... cry about it, go over pictures, notes, have some ice cream for God's sake, etc.
2. Then you really have to make a 180 degree turnaround and stop moping about it.
3. Go out with your friends!
4. Find a hobby that will fill that time your special person once filled.
5. If you really must feel like talking about it, write letters to this person but DO NOT SEND THEM
6. JOURNAL or BLOG! Writing things out is definitely therapeutic so you don't have cooped up words or feelings.

Let me know if you have other Break-Up Remedies :)

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Prince Charming?

I may only be able to speak for myself on this one but do let me know what you think!

I love fairy tales - I love reading about them, hearing about them, watching movies/shows come up with the most amazing love story ever ... and there are real stories that you hear about from your friends where he/she and their girlfriend/boyfriend shared this most amazing experience or moment. A common phrase heard is "It was like a scene from a movie!"

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All of that sounds amazing and I'm not a cynic but I've had one of these supposed movie moments happen and it wasn't like the movies at all. The movies made it look sweet, but in fact, this experience was quite awkward and I can almost say it makes me cringe just a little...

And then I wonder, do people believe in movies/shows too much to believe that some stuff could actually happen in reality, like a knight in shining armor sweeping his damsel in distress off of her feet?

Because movies/shows are 99% fictional, I would suggest you guys NOT to take pointers nor try to relive movie moments ... sweet/romantic moments should come from the heart, and almost naturally...

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